As we celebrated the life of our daughter, Jillian Harper this past week I wanted to focus on the resources that I have turned to in working through the loss of a child. While I hope that none of you ever have to use them - they are definitely helping me get through a difficult time in my life. I have not found a single source that provides me with all of the information I want... So I have tried to consolidate that into one post for anyone that is looking for more information about child loss, specifically stillbirth.
Websites and Blogs | When Jillian was born I honestly didn't know much about stillbirth. It was not something that the doctors ever discussed, and since we had made it to 21 weeks I thought we were in the clear and assumed we would have a healthy baby. After reading everything that I could get my hands on I have turned to a few different websites and blogs that I read regularly.
The articles that are posted on these sites focus on the medical aspects of stillbirth. They raise questions about research, medical advances, and the need for more. They provide a lot of information that helped me to better understand how many people are affected by stillbirth around the world.
Still Standing Magazine has many contributors that write articles regarding Child Loss. These articles seem to help me the most - as they are often personal stories of how someone has handled the loss that they face. I can often relate to the feelings the author is going through - and sometimes find new ways of looking at my situation because of these articles.
Books | In the few weeks after Jillian was born I read a ton of books, any book I could fid about stillbirth, child loss etc. I wanted to know more - I felt that I needed to better understand why and what happened and this was a good resource for me. Not one book could give me all of the answers I wanted, and some of my questions have yet to be answered. I found something in each of these books and hope they may help you too.
Talking | The baby loss community is something that no one ever wants to be a part of, but the reality is that I am a part of this group. I have found one of the best resources is to talk to other people about what you are going through. The issue with talking, is that most people don't talk to you about your child that you have lost - they often say nothing at all. They may not want to upset you, or don't know what to say but saying nothing at all is sometimes worse than trying.
I have found that I can talk to someone that I barely know when they have experienced something similar. Some acquaintances know more about Jillian's birth that my family members and best friends. I would suggest to anyone that knows someone that has experienced the loss of a child - reach out to them, ask them if they want to talk. The answer may not always be yes, but it is good to know that people are there for you in a difficult time.
Supportive Doctors | I am saddened to hear and read so many stories of unsupportive doctors during and after child loss. I was so very fortunate to have a doctor that supported me during a very difficult time, and continues to support both Jonathan and I through our journey. My doctor will spend as much time as I need discussing anything I want regarding Jillian's birth, future births, etc. He has been supportive in helping us to understand Jillian's stillbirth and anything else that we need. I would definitely suggest that you find a doctor that is supportive, even if that means changing doctors.
I would love to know of additional websites or books that you would suggest surrounding this subject. I am always looking for more information! Feel free to contact me at JackieHFoster@gmail.com any time!
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